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David Blacker’s Blog

Tintin Outed — Asterix & Obelix Consider Coming Out of the Closet!

tintinandco

That’s what gay British journalist Matthew Parris says. According to him, it’s pretty obvious that Belgian cartoonist Georges Remi (aka Herge) created his most famous character to be homosexual. Parris’ indisputable logic is hard to argue with — sort of like that guy who claimed Tamils invented crepes.

Check out his article, but these are the basic reasons:

Tintin never talks about his parents — how gay is that?

Herge suggests Tintin was a Boy Scout — obviously gay then.

Tintin first appeared in 1929 in a Roman Catholic paper — Catholics are obviously gay, no?

Tintin is a journalist and offers to send his editor “postcards, caviar and vodka” while on assignment in the USSR — very gay.

Tintin almost never files reports, so he must be an MI6 agent (though he’s Belgian, not British) — and as we know, all British spies are gay — look at James Bond — totally a fag.

Tintin shares a home with his male friend, Captain Haddock — so like Joey & Chandler, he’s gay.

All Tintin’s friends are male (as is his dog, Snowy) — in the ’20s and ’30s that was a sure sign of being gay.

Thomson & Thonpson have moustaches and are regularly in disguise — so gay, those two.

Rastapopulous, Tintin’s arch nemesis, is never shown with a woman on his arm — so like Marlon Brandon’s Don Corleone and Robert DeNiro’s Al Capone, he’s clearly gay.

Snowy’s attempts to go after lady-dogs are constantly foiled by the humans — obviously, except for Snowy, everyone’s gay.

Haddock hates Bianca Castafiore, one of the few female characters — homosexuals hate women, right?

Herge hated the opera — gay!!!!

General Alcazar’s wife Peggy is a hard-drinking, cigar-smoking bitch — obviously lesbian.

Tintin cries when his friend Chang is feared dead in Tintin in Tibet — and as we all know, sensitive men are just gay.

Tintin’s adventures span almost 25 years (1929-1983) but he never ages — so like Superman, and all other immortal heroes, he uses moisturiser — how much more gay than that can you get?

Now that I’ve been conclusively convinced by Mr Parris on Tintin’s gayness, it raises all sorts of new questions.

Are Asterix & Obelix a gay couple? — As Hugo Rifkind points out, Obelix did sleep over at Asterix’s place a lot. However, since they both had female interests — Panacea and Mrs Geriatrix — and Asterix actually father’s a child — Asterix & Son — they’re bisexual at best.

Is George in the Famous Five a lesbian? — she wore boy’s clothes and boy’s hair, had a boy’s name, and went around saying “I want to be a boy”, but in the 2008 TV series, the adult George is married to a mechanic named Ravi — so she isn’t a lesbian (or a racist) — and probably just had a confused adoloscence.

Is Aslan the Lion in the Narnia books a white supremacist? — Totally. Or at least, C.S. Lewis was. Throughout the Chronicles of Narnia Aslan’s avowed enemies are the Calormemes of Calormen, a country that is in the desert and full of people who wear turbans, baggy trousers and pointy shoes. They have arranged marriages, put the symbol of the crescent on their money, fight with scimitars and, in The Last Battle, are referred to as “darkies”. Let’s face it, they’re not from Norway, are they?

Then there’s Captain Jack Sparrow, and Batman & Robin, Maverick & Goose… OK, I’ll stop now.

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January 14, 2009 - Posted by | Literature, Sex | , , ,

20 Comments »

  1. haha! I remember the chang story…

    oh and that wasn’t Asterix’s son right? He was just taking care of it and there was an adventure based on that…hm..

    Comment by Dee | January 14, 2009 | Reply

  2. Didn’t Captain Haddock and Tintin use to have their own bedrooms at Marlinspike?

    I seem to recall a scene where Tintin rushes to Haddock’s room when all the windows start shattering in A Calculus Affair. Or was it the bathroom? The details escape me.

    I always felt that Herge was a bit of a conservative dude. Hence the alleged “gayness”.

    But then, you know never know…

    Comment by Paparé Boy | January 14, 2009 | Reply

  3. LOL! I mean, obviously. 😀

    Comment by Makuluwo | January 14, 2009 | Reply

  4. I think George from the Famous Five was definitely lesbian.

    Comment by The-Benevolent-Dictator | January 14, 2009 | Reply

  5. 😀 a great post! You’ve inspired me to try and dig out those old books.

    I think Asterix & Obelix did live together (can’t remember them having seperate houses. Have to start re reading them as an adult. But Obelix is shy when the ladies are around (can’t recall which adventure that was). According to Wikipedia Obelix did have a crush on Panacea who first appeared in Asterix the Legionary. But there is a scene in The Chieftain’s Shield which is not entirely Hetero 😉

    But it doesn’t really matter. Those were great comics.

    Comment by cerno | January 14, 2009 | Reply

  6. @The Benevolent Dictator – I dunno… It seems a tad unlikely that Enid Blyton (of all people) would include a lesbian in her stories written for kids. I seem to remember reading in an interview given by J. K. Rowling or another equally famous children’s author (I forget who) that they always had a problem with how Blyton apparently shied away from talking about the kids’ adolescence issues, or something to that effect. I can’t find the exact quote, though.

    Comment by Paparé Boy | January 14, 2009 | Reply

  7. hahahaha!
    Tin tin gay…hmm…..now that you’ve mentioned it…….

    Anyhow I don’t thnk that George (or Georgina) was a lesbien. There are too many girls (specially in that age group) that wish they were boys just because boys get more freedom to do stuff, and are not hampered by having to adhere to etiquettes and manners and proper ways of behaving.

    Comment by Sasani | January 15, 2009 | Reply

  8. Cerno, Asterix & Obelix definitely lived in separate cottages. Obelix had a menhir workshop and yard at his. On several occasions you find Asterix inviting Obelix over when he had wild boar for dinner.

    Comment by David Blacker | January 15, 2009 | Reply

  9. Ha ha ha… took me down memory lane! I like it how some people take this post literally. That I guess being the operative word.
    Nice one Davy!

    wait…

    I love you! (with relevance to this post – in a manly, jameson swigging, cigar smoking way, eh?)

    Comment by DD | January 15, 2009 | Reply

  10. In earlier generations, (even in European Countries) it was not unusual for some Males (or females) to remain bachelors (or spinsters) for life without having the label ‘homosexual’ attached to them.

    It seems to be the trend of modern society to label single and unattached people as a gay or a lesbian. Both Herge and Goscinny(or was it Uderzo?) were ‘old school’.

    There is a Famous Five Book where George, after some incident where she is angry at her Father says ‘I will never marry a scientist’!(Her father being one)

    How many of you Sri Lankans know of Aunts or Uncles who have remained partnerless for life (for reasons other than an interest in the same sex)?? And in most cases, I would bet that no one has labelled them homosexual.

    In the same vein, Mr. Parris should also have included another famous pair, Ernie and Bert from Sesame Street fame.(We know for sure that they share a bed room)

    Comment by Asanga | January 15, 2009 | Reply

  11. @DD – If you’re including me in the “some people who seem to be taking this post literally”, let me just say in my defence that I didn’t miss David’s sarcasm at all. I was actually commenting on the original article that he quoted from. 🙂

    Yes, the cap fits… 😀

    Comment by Paparé Boy | January 15, 2009 | Reply

  12. Reading this post now I’m wondering if tintin actally resembles graham norton.. (most annoying, yet popular with housewives, “gay” presenter of the BBC- wikipaedia should have an article about him)
    I hope tintin isn’t gay… No offence to gay people… It would just change how we look at tintin.. To be honest I used to look forward to watching those many repeats of the tintin cartoons in Sri lanka rupavahin, when i was little… I remember once I got a whole set of tintin book for the “aluth awurudhdha” presents. One might even say I was obsessed with comic books in general… Does that make me gay? Of course not… Haha anyways if tintin is actally gay woudnt it be ironic that über straight and probably homophobic, rupavahini chose to show this for many years and probably they still do… All those poor little kids who were on the fence… Hehehe lol

    Comment by Pandithaya | January 16, 2009 | Reply

  13. You seem to have forgotten the gayest of them all. Gay little Noddy. I remember pictures of him in bed with Big Ears.

    Comment by Kevin | January 18, 2009 | Reply

  14. What about Sponge Bob?

    Comment by Paparé Boy | January 18, 2009 | Reply

  15. Ha! Ha!

    In Black Island, Tintin wore Scotish garb – gay.

    Prisoners of the Sun, Tintin sleeps with Zorino while Captain keeps watch! Later, Tintin gives his charm to Zorino. So gay!

    In Land of Black gold, Tintin spanks Abdulah! Heh! Heh!

    Comment by Rover | January 19, 2009 | Reply

  16. I hate when people do that: suddenly claim that a fictional character is gay although it has had nothing to do with their story.

    Like Rowling did with Dumbledore. I mean what a glamour whore she was for that. Who cares? Since Dumbledore’s homosexuality had not one thing to do with the character development or the plot, then why announce it?

    Comment by Electra | January 20, 2009 | Reply

    • Doubly annoying when the announcer has nothing to do with the creation of the character.

      Comment by David Blacker | January 20, 2009 | Reply

  17. Yes, precisely.

    Comment by Electra | January 21, 2009 | Reply

  18. Anybody with a moustache is definitely gay. I second that!

    Comment by Bimal | January 21, 2009 | Reply

  19. well what do u no. tintins gay. I wonder weather all the kids(including me)will b gay after watching that cartoon 4 so long.lol.

    any indication of any other cartoon charactor who could have been secretly gay???

    Comment by aka | January 28, 2009 | Reply


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