Wimal Weerawansa Ends ‘Fast Unto Death’: “I Might Die,” He Says
National Freedom Front parliamentarian and Mawbimay Pomenarian, Wimal Weerawansa gave up his death fast today after three whole days, citing health reasons. After sipping a glass of thambili, he ordered an ambulance which took him to the Colombo General Hospital Accident Ward, stopping on the way for a Sugar burger at Odel. Minister Weerawansa ordered a ‘chicken sugar daddy’, demanding that they hold the pickles, since they were unpatriotic.
Talking with his mouth full, Weerawansa claimed that he actually wasn’t ending his fast, but merely taking a break as the doctor had ordered. He also said that as the leader (and member) of the National Freedom Front he jolly well had the freedom to fast if he wanted to, and due to health reasons he would be fasting unto death for two days of every week until the UN Secretary General dissolved the advisory panel on Sri Lankan war crimes. However, he also stated that it was his right to fast every other day instead if he got a bit peckish.
All characters in this blog post are fictional, and any resemblance to an actual fast unto death is entirely coincidental.