Guinness Record for Breathing Non-Stop for 24 Hours
Today’s Daily Mirror has lots of important stuff on the front page. An account of the Tiger suicide bomber who blew herself up yesterday, a rogue’s gallery of the LTTE top brass, Gota’s warning to the NGOs — all interesting newsworthy column space. And this piece on a new Guinness World Record set by Sri Lankan-born Suresh Joachim. Now if you’re expecting some death-defying feat of incredible physical stamina, don’t hold your breath — though maybe you should give it a shot, as you’ll probably break a record. Suresh has set a GWR for watching TV nonstop for 72 hours in Stockholm. I expect that being in Stockholm isn’t necessary to qualify you for this, though perhaps Swedish TV’s more interesting than ours.
Now, I’m not sure about you, but I bet I’ve equalled that record a few times in my life, along with the GWR for the longest continuous loop of Hell Freezes Over.
Before you start patting Suresh on the back for being Sri Lanka’s most celebrated couch potato, I hope you’ll realize that you’re way too late. Last year, he and German Claudia Wavra watched movies for 123 hours and ten minutes. I have no idea what Claudia looks like, but I assume they were German movies in tiny backstreet Hamburg cinemas.
But wait. Suresh isn’t just addicted to TV and movies. He set the rather useful GWR for ironing clothes — 55 hours, five minutes.
He’s also quite entertaining. He set a GWR for the longest karaoke session (25 hours, 49 minutes), and the longest bout of drumming (84 hours) — beat that, RD.
Along with these, Suresh has set other equally useful and stupendous records.The longest recorded distance a brick has been carried — 126.675km (though apparently Ranil Wickramasinghe is disputing this). It was Suresh’s second attempt at brick-carrying — the first ended in tears when (you guessed it) he dropped the brick. Also, the furthest distance travelled on escalators — 225.44km, up and down the Westfield Burwood Shopping Centre in NSW, Australia.
Now you’d think that Suresh would have by now grabbed the Guinness for the most number of uninteresting GWRs ever set, but oh no. Cracked.com awards that honour to such records as ‘longest ear hair’ by Indian (yup) Radhakant Bajpai, and the ‘largest collection of traffic cones’ by American David Morgan, ignoring Suresh’s feats of standing on one foot for 76 hours, 40 minutes and pushing a car for 19.2km.
Well, now I’m sure the rest of us Sri Lankans shouldn’t let the side down and allow MIA to grab all the glory. There are GWRs out there just waiting for the talentless. How ’bout the most number of stringhoppers eaten in one sitting (RD, you reading this?), or the most use of the word pussy in the SL blogosphere, and so on, or the longest sentence by a Sri Lankan not using ‘machang’ and ‘no?’. No?
I am personally having a go at the most clicks of the refresh button on Kottu, waiting for my post to hit the top five of the day.